As I am writing the blog, I realised that there were "pivotal" moments, ideas and people along this path of healing. The one was the bank lady who told me her husband had stayed (more later).
Another such "pivotal" moment (of a completely different kind), came from a piece of simple sounding advice - from a book my neighbour read to me. It was a book about making a new beginning. The chapters where divided into the different kinds of trauma we can experience in life. One of those chapters was about divorce.
Here is the gist of what it said:
"Go buy yourself some pretty clothes, look the best that you can, every single day, and put a big smile on your face – it is good at hiding a broken heart. There will be new life, there will be laughter again. Take it out of the hand of God, today is the first day of the rest of your life."
Another such "pivotal" moment (of a completely different kind), came from a piece of simple sounding advice - from a book my neighbour read to me. It was a book about making a new beginning. The chapters where divided into the different kinds of trauma we can experience in life. One of those chapters was about divorce.
Here is the gist of what it said:
"Go buy yourself some pretty clothes, look the best that you can, every single day, and put a big smile on your face – it is good at hiding a broken heart. There will be new life, there will be laughter again. Take it out of the hand of God, today is the first day of the rest of your life."
I printed that out and stuck it on my dressing table mirror – where it still resides today. God is a God of the future – not of what has happened in our past. I read that piece often, and started to hope!
Now, that piece of advice led to one of the funniest stories I have to tell about the whole sad story. Remember I told you, that so many things have turned into humour! I took that advice and went shopping for new clothes. I did not realise that I would shortly (completely unintentionally), make the Prof pay for my new wardrobe!
I will give that conclusion tomorrow.
There are just 2 more thoughts I want to finish for today.
Counseling made me see things in a different light too. Once, I said to the counselor– it is so sad - there is no one to make coffee for in the mornings anymore. (Yes, the Prof got coffee in bed – every single morning. He was a spoilt brat – oeps – that was not nice!).
The counselor looked at me and said – why don’t you make it for your kids instead.
One morning, I did exactly that. I made them Milo and took it through to them. They were so ecstatic about that! By the evening they were STILL talking about it. I stood still and thought – hey – the Prof never received his coffee with such thankfulness and excitement. Hmmm- this is way more fun.
I was beginning to realise that so much had to do with how I thought about things. Along with the memories of things I missed, I had other memories – bad ones (of things I didn’t miss). In order to keep a balanced view, I had to remember both sides. I realized for e.g. that the laughter had disappeared out of our lives – it had slowly been squashed. I used to sing around the house, but now, I couldn’t even say where that had disappeared to. I wanted those things back.
Then there was the night I dreamt a strange dream. It showed such a clear picture of how my subconscious perceived it all, that I noted it down.
I was driving at night, but I was very very tired. I gradually fell asleep, but not completely – I was still aware of driving. I knew there was danger, but felt quite proud that I was still on the road. Suddenly, I knew I had left the road and it was too late. I opened my eyes (from the driving sleep), but the scariest of all was that it was pitch dark – the car’s lights were off. I couldn’t see a thing – could just feel I was falling, but I couldn’t see what kind of accident I was in – didn’t know where it would end. I was just falling through the pitch dark – going to meet my Maker.
To me that dream meant that my subconscious had been aware that the marriage was in trouble. I was still carrying on, quite proud of the fact that I could "keep the marriage on the road" - as with the car in the dream. By the time I woke up to the fact that I was not managing to keep the marriage going, I was falling off the road without seeing where this would land up.
So , my subconscious knew all this - way before I realised it on a conscious level.
There are just 2 more thoughts I want to finish for today.
Counseling made me see things in a different light too. Once, I said to the counselor– it is so sad - there is no one to make coffee for in the mornings anymore. (Yes, the Prof got coffee in bed – every single morning. He was a spoilt brat – oeps – that was not nice!).
The counselor looked at me and said – why don’t you make it for your kids instead.
One morning, I did exactly that. I made them Milo and took it through to them. They were so ecstatic about that! By the evening they were STILL talking about it. I stood still and thought – hey – the Prof never received his coffee with such thankfulness and excitement. Hmmm- this is way more fun.
I was beginning to realise that so much had to do with how I thought about things. Along with the memories of things I missed, I had other memories – bad ones (of things I didn’t miss). In order to keep a balanced view, I had to remember both sides. I realized for e.g. that the laughter had disappeared out of our lives – it had slowly been squashed. I used to sing around the house, but now, I couldn’t even say where that had disappeared to. I wanted those things back.
Then there was the night I dreamt a strange dream. It showed such a clear picture of how my subconscious perceived it all, that I noted it down.
I was driving at night, but I was very very tired. I gradually fell asleep, but not completely – I was still aware of driving. I knew there was danger, but felt quite proud that I was still on the road. Suddenly, I knew I had left the road and it was too late. I opened my eyes (from the driving sleep), but the scariest of all was that it was pitch dark – the car’s lights were off. I couldn’t see a thing – could just feel I was falling, but I couldn’t see what kind of accident I was in – didn’t know where it would end. I was just falling through the pitch dark – going to meet my Maker.
To me that dream meant that my subconscious had been aware that the marriage was in trouble. I was still carrying on, quite proud of the fact that I could "keep the marriage on the road" - as with the car in the dream. By the time I woke up to the fact that I was not managing to keep the marriage going, I was falling off the road without seeing where this would land up.
So , my subconscious knew all this - way before I realised it on a conscious level.
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