Struggling to sleep at night, my mind would wonder over the ”WHAT IF” question.
Oh what useless words:
What if I had grown my hair, what if I had paid more attention, what if … what if… what if….
The Lord took pity on me and gave me one of the most beautiful verses in the bible:
Isa 43:18 "Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old.
Isa 43:19 Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.
This verse says – you cannot change the past – look forward, and move one. It gave me the right to stop saying – What IF. The Lord is not a Lord of our past – for in it there is no future. He takes whatever we have done, and puts streams through it, even though our choices (or another’s choices), have put us in the middle of the desert.
There came the day , sometime in March, that the children told me the Prof was looking to buy a house. I immediately went into panic mode. What if he bought the house on our existing bond?
I went to see the bank, to make sure he could not use the existing bond’s funds without my permission (which I was going to give “over my dead body”!).
The lady helping me at the bank, was very quiet, as I told a smattering of what had been happening in my life.
Walking out of her office was one of those pivotal moments I wrote about , which changed my way of thinking forever.
“You are very lucky – you know,” she said.
Hello? Did I just hear you right?
“I was in your position too,” she said. “My husband also had an affair. The difference between us, is that mine decided to stay.”
So, I am thinking – sorry lady, I still don’t get it, but I kept my thoughts to myself as she continued her story:
“My life consists of doubt and mistrust. Every time he walks out, I want to check his wallet, every time he phones to say he is late, I wonder if he has started another affair with another woman. I try not to think this way – but my whole life is made up of doubt and fear…, “ her voice trailed off in misery. Looking at her, I could see what this life had done, what it cost her, and that the lack of trust in a marriage meant you had no marriage at all….
So – I had been given a picture of what my life could have been like, had the Professor decided to stay.
Oh what useless words:
What if I had grown my hair, what if I had paid more attention, what if … what if… what if….
The Lord took pity on me and gave me one of the most beautiful verses in the bible:
Isa 43:18 "Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old.
Isa 43:19 Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.
This verse says – you cannot change the past – look forward, and move one. It gave me the right to stop saying – What IF. The Lord is not a Lord of our past – for in it there is no future. He takes whatever we have done, and puts streams through it, even though our choices (or another’s choices), have put us in the middle of the desert.
There came the day , sometime in March, that the children told me the Prof was looking to buy a house. I immediately went into panic mode. What if he bought the house on our existing bond?
I went to see the bank, to make sure he could not use the existing bond’s funds without my permission (which I was going to give “over my dead body”!).
The lady helping me at the bank, was very quiet, as I told a smattering of what had been happening in my life.
Walking out of her office was one of those pivotal moments I wrote about , which changed my way of thinking forever.
“You are very lucky – you know,” she said.
Hello? Did I just hear you right?
“I was in your position too,” she said. “My husband also had an affair. The difference between us, is that mine decided to stay.”
So, I am thinking – sorry lady, I still don’t get it, but I kept my thoughts to myself as she continued her story:
“My life consists of doubt and mistrust. Every time he walks out, I want to check his wallet, every time he phones to say he is late, I wonder if he has started another affair with another woman. I try not to think this way – but my whole life is made up of doubt and fear…, “ her voice trailed off in misery. Looking at her, I could see what this life had done, what it cost her, and that the lack of trust in a marriage meant you had no marriage at all….
So – I had been given a picture of what my life could have been like, had the Professor decided to stay.
I am glad you got another viewpoint!
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