The week after my birthday , the Prof went to Cape Town on a business trip. He was now an unwelcome loose end in a home needing closure.
I remember writing down a prayer that went something along the lines of:
Dear Lord, please let him see the error of his ways, please let him miss us while he is gone. Let him see how much we love him…
Only many months later, I learnt that Cream Puff lied to her own family too – and also went on a “business trip” to Cape Town. To this day, I don’t know if the Prof did or did not go on business. It has become an irrelevant detail in the mangled mess.
At this stage, the children were starting to pick up some of the vibe of what was going on. The Prof worked such strange hours, had been away on countless trips before, and they never seemed to pay much attention one way or the other. Once, when he had also gone away on a business trip - the children only realized it when he came back.
This sounds so strange – but his typical day looked as follows:
Get up after the family has left – go to work.
Come home after 8 at night – then he didn’t have to cope with the kids. He had the timing of that one down to a T as well. They really only saw him on weekends.
But now, especially Marielle seemed to sense that there was a problem. She kept asking for him, asking me when he would phone (he never phoned us during that trip). Eventually, just before he was due to arrive back, they all decided together to bake him a batch of biscuits – to show him how glad they were that he was home. (Don’t worry – no instigation from me. ) They had a desperation about them which was heart wrenching to behold. Perhaps, they had seen some of that in my face too?
The Prof showed no emotion to this demonstration of love and to the silent unknown plea from these little people.
When they were in bed I went to talk to him about it. The conversation which followed was one of the strangest I ever had with him.
He wanted to know what my counselor had said was the way forward? I asked him – what do you mean? The way forward with telling the children? The way forward with us? The way forward with Cream Puff?
He sat and looked at me strangely, - something I still don’t understand. He didn’t answer the question – tiny detail I forgot to mention. The Prof was a master evader of questions. You never got a straight answer. His best ploy was to answer a question with another question.
Eventually he concluded that it would no longer help to keep trying. IF he was making a mistake, it would be easier to come back afterwards and beg me to take him back. I had been a good mother through the years, but not been a good wife, he said. He also told me that if he needed to come back - he knew how to charm me, I would take him back. In my mind I said - "No, you don't..... You have no idea, but if you walk out, you aint never walking back in again, darlin".
I remember writing down a prayer that went something along the lines of:
Dear Lord, please let him see the error of his ways, please let him miss us while he is gone. Let him see how much we love him…
Only many months later, I learnt that Cream Puff lied to her own family too – and also went on a “business trip” to Cape Town. To this day, I don’t know if the Prof did or did not go on business. It has become an irrelevant detail in the mangled mess.
At this stage, the children were starting to pick up some of the vibe of what was going on. The Prof worked such strange hours, had been away on countless trips before, and they never seemed to pay much attention one way or the other. Once, when he had also gone away on a business trip - the children only realized it when he came back.
This sounds so strange – but his typical day looked as follows:
Get up after the family has left – go to work.
Come home after 8 at night – then he didn’t have to cope with the kids. He had the timing of that one down to a T as well. They really only saw him on weekends.
But now, especially Marielle seemed to sense that there was a problem. She kept asking for him, asking me when he would phone (he never phoned us during that trip). Eventually, just before he was due to arrive back, they all decided together to bake him a batch of biscuits – to show him how glad they were that he was home. (Don’t worry – no instigation from me. ) They had a desperation about them which was heart wrenching to behold. Perhaps, they had seen some of that in my face too?
The Prof showed no emotion to this demonstration of love and to the silent unknown plea from these little people.
When they were in bed I went to talk to him about it. The conversation which followed was one of the strangest I ever had with him.
He wanted to know what my counselor had said was the way forward? I asked him – what do you mean? The way forward with telling the children? The way forward with us? The way forward with Cream Puff?
He sat and looked at me strangely, - something I still don’t understand. He didn’t answer the question – tiny detail I forgot to mention. The Prof was a master evader of questions. You never got a straight answer. His best ploy was to answer a question with another question.
Eventually he concluded that it would no longer help to keep trying. IF he was making a mistake, it would be easier to come back afterwards and beg me to take him back. I had been a good mother through the years, but not been a good wife, he said. He also told me that if he needed to come back - he knew how to charm me, I would take him back. In my mind I said - "No, you don't..... You have no idea, but if you walk out, you aint never walking back in again, darlin".
So, I can see you cringing in your seats when you read these things. I had forgotten these details, and picking this up again in my journal had me not so much in a "spin" about the ugly stuff said, as you might think. As with most things, it has turned to humour. I, of course run to Werner, hands on hips and ask quite forcefully - SO- Have I been a bad wife for the last year. (Shame - he had no idea where THAT was coming from!) Somewhat taken aback at this attack he says - No - you have been a wonderful wife. Then all the hot air blows out of me and I giggle. I think "MIRRORS". In my next post I will tell you about the magic of mirrors.
It brings back all the heartache of that time again. But especially the heartache we felt for the children. WE knew what was wrong and we also knew that somehow, sometime the children had to been told and we 'feared' THAT most of all. THAT day I remember well, but that will only come out in your blog some time from now.
ReplyDeleteIt's so disturbing that he had actually worked out logically that he could take a chance on the Cream Puff and if it didn't work out you would take him back. You say "not a chance" but in reality, particularly for the kids' sake, he might have been right. Here's where we need a stronger word than 'Prof'! Joan
ReplyDeleteJoan -you are right. My thought process was a "defence" against the Prof. But there probably was a time where I would have taken him back, to save the marriage, and to save the children. Thank goodness - opportunity never presented itself!!!!
ReplyDelete