The Prof moved out on the 24th February 2007 – exactly 2 months to the day after having told me there was someone else.
The day has become a faded picture now.
The kids helped The Prof pack and move, but without a lot of enthusiasm.
I tried to get on with life. I went about my normal business. I first went to the gym -strange thing to do when your husband of almost 17 years is busy moving out. But it felt better to be away from it all, and not to "see" it happening. After gym I went to have coffee with mom and dad, before going home to make lunch for everyone. I even managed to be nice to the Prof. I told him he could take whatever he wanted to take– but he said he did not want to leave any “holes” in the house. I mention this because some months later he came to fetch a big water fountain in my garden - which left a considerable hole!!!!!
The evening before the move, Arno had asked me - but why is daddy leaving. I told him, “I don’t know my sweetheart, he is not very happy with me.” His eyes got so big, he threw his arms around me and said – But I’m so happy with you! (A very good, innocent little mirror).
The Prof left at 2. (I think he had only packed a few clothes, and his grandmother’s bed). He forgot something, came back and then walked down the driveway again. Strangest thing: he stood for the longest time at the bottom of the driveway, looking back at Marielle and I sitting on the step. It was his farewell, I think. I still wonder what his thoughts were, was he wondering about regrets? (He told me later that he just felt tremendous relief).
Friends poured their love into my family. They brought a meal and flowers, another came to sit with me all afternoon. Wow – what blessings.
Sunday at the church was difficult. It pretty much had me in tears most of the time. So many people came to hug me. Each one offering some comfort in their own way. Mike said he wished he had some profound words, Andrea said – if ever you need someone to go to the movies with – I’m your girl. Some folks just gave me hugs, others prayed with me. Generally everyone seemed aware of our situation, and everyone was equally flabbergasted.
Those are my memories of that time. The days following are all jumbled together in a strange mixture of sadness and relief. The relief was surprising. I think it had to do with the pressure which was gone. We were moving in a direction, and although not one I chose - at least it was better than no-man's land. The constant feeling of having to shape up to someone's expectations - was gone. THAT made a huge difference in my life.
The day has become a faded picture now.
The kids helped The Prof pack and move, but without a lot of enthusiasm.
I tried to get on with life. I went about my normal business. I first went to the gym -strange thing to do when your husband of almost 17 years is busy moving out. But it felt better to be away from it all, and not to "see" it happening. After gym I went to have coffee with mom and dad, before going home to make lunch for everyone. I even managed to be nice to the Prof. I told him he could take whatever he wanted to take– but he said he did not want to leave any “holes” in the house. I mention this because some months later he came to fetch a big water fountain in my garden - which left a considerable hole!!!!!
The evening before the move, Arno had asked me - but why is daddy leaving. I told him, “I don’t know my sweetheart, he is not very happy with me.” His eyes got so big, he threw his arms around me and said – But I’m so happy with you! (A very good, innocent little mirror).
The Prof left at 2. (I think he had only packed a few clothes, and his grandmother’s bed). He forgot something, came back and then walked down the driveway again. Strangest thing: he stood for the longest time at the bottom of the driveway, looking back at Marielle and I sitting on the step. It was his farewell, I think. I still wonder what his thoughts were, was he wondering about regrets? (He told me later that he just felt tremendous relief).
Friends poured their love into my family. They brought a meal and flowers, another came to sit with me all afternoon. Wow – what blessings.
Sunday at the church was difficult. It pretty much had me in tears most of the time. So many people came to hug me. Each one offering some comfort in their own way. Mike said he wished he had some profound words, Andrea said – if ever you need someone to go to the movies with – I’m your girl. Some folks just gave me hugs, others prayed with me. Generally everyone seemed aware of our situation, and everyone was equally flabbergasted.
Those are my memories of that time. The days following are all jumbled together in a strange mixture of sadness and relief. The relief was surprising. I think it had to do with the pressure which was gone. We were moving in a direction, and although not one I chose - at least it was better than no-man's land. The constant feeling of having to shape up to someone's expectations - was gone. THAT made a huge difference in my life.
Technically, the hole left from the fountain was in the garden, not the house! But how strange that he can walk out on his family and not consider that he would leave a hole in their hearts. J
ReplyDeleteO what an excellent insight Joan! Yes, the biggest hole was left by his presence in our lives. As always, things to him were about the material. The emotional and spiritual levels were really unseen territory for him.
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