The day before the Prof moved out , I found out I was going to have to tell the children myself. THAT made me so angry. I felt it was his problem and it should have been his consequence to bear.
But the children’s counselor said that for the children to hear the news, and then have dad move out - all on the same day, would be too much trauma. We should have been preparing the children for a while already. (But how on earth do you "prepare" children for that - and then dump them in the same "no man's" land I had been living in?). We decided not to tell them about Cream Puff. That would just be too much info.
I was initially very shocked that I had to do it, but eventually realized it was a blessing. It empowered me – made me be in control of the situation for the first time – instead of being the victim receiving a death sentence. We had listened to Odyssey in the afternoon. (This is a children’s radio program to which we listened every day. ) It ended with – “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and give you a hope - Jer 29:11. If you don’t know what is happening with your family, don’t worry – God has a good plan”, the announcer said.
WOW. I was later able to use this to comfort them.
I only had Marielle (10 at the time), and Arno (8 at the time), with me at the counselor. She said she would help me. So she did the talking, and I did the observing. I don’t think I will ever get those innocent little faces out of my mind. They each just nodded politely at the counselor, looked just as if she had told them a story. I realized that they had no clue about what was happening. They understood the words, but not the consequences.
I had to tell Marinda on my own. Her whole face crumpled up and she shook her head – "no no no no no – You told me a family is God’s greenhouse, He won’t let this happen – we aren’t grown up yet. "
Then she reconsidered – "well, we’ll let him go and then just pray very hard, God will bring him back."
But the children’s counselor said that for the children to hear the news, and then have dad move out - all on the same day, would be too much trauma. We should have been preparing the children for a while already. (But how on earth do you "prepare" children for that - and then dump them in the same "no man's" land I had been living in?). We decided not to tell them about Cream Puff. That would just be too much info.
I was initially very shocked that I had to do it, but eventually realized it was a blessing. It empowered me – made me be in control of the situation for the first time – instead of being the victim receiving a death sentence. We had listened to Odyssey in the afternoon. (This is a children’s radio program to which we listened every day. ) It ended with – “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and give you a hope - Jer 29:11. If you don’t know what is happening with your family, don’t worry – God has a good plan”, the announcer said.
WOW. I was later able to use this to comfort them.
I only had Marielle (10 at the time), and Arno (8 at the time), with me at the counselor. She said she would help me. So she did the talking, and I did the observing. I don’t think I will ever get those innocent little faces out of my mind. They each just nodded politely at the counselor, looked just as if she had told them a story. I realized that they had no clue about what was happening. They understood the words, but not the consequences.
I had to tell Marinda on my own. Her whole face crumpled up and she shook her head – "no no no no no – You told me a family is God’s greenhouse, He won’t let this happen – we aren’t grown up yet. "
Then she reconsidered – "well, we’ll let him go and then just pray very hard, God will bring him back."
I then explained how God doesn’t interfere with free will. God will respect dad’s choices.
"Well, what about if one of us gets very sick", she asked. I told her, that if that would work - I volunteer, – but God doesn’t work like that either.
We talked for quite some time. She quickly got to a point where she was helping me with Marielle and Arno – who had taken their emotional queues from her and also started crying.
That journey home must be the worst thing I’ve done in my life. We cried all the way. I said – "all hold hands, Jesus is holding my other hand. We are now strong – like a chain and nothing is going to break us. " We prayed when we got home and then the Professor was going to take the children out for the evening – this was the counselor’s suggestion.
He was very angry with me over the emotional state of the children. What have you done to them? – he asked me. (Funny – I thought – I was wondering that same thing about you. ) He did not have the courage to tell them he was leaving, much less about Cream Puff. I had to sit with it, and now it was my fault because they did not take it well. HELLO?
Before they left I told the children – "I love you so very much – tuck that away in your hearts, take it out and look at it when things get very bad." (Yes – said Arno – and throw away the key! Sweet boy – he meant so that the thought could never be lost) .
The Prof took the kids to the top of the university and looked at the city’s lights.
"Well, what about if one of us gets very sick", she asked. I told her, that if that would work - I volunteer, – but God doesn’t work like that either.
We talked for quite some time. She quickly got to a point where she was helping me with Marielle and Arno – who had taken their emotional queues from her and also started crying.
That journey home must be the worst thing I’ve done in my life. We cried all the way. I said – "all hold hands, Jesus is holding my other hand. We are now strong – like a chain and nothing is going to break us. " We prayed when we got home and then the Professor was going to take the children out for the evening – this was the counselor’s suggestion.
He was very angry with me over the emotional state of the children. What have you done to them? – he asked me. (Funny – I thought – I was wondering that same thing about you. ) He did not have the courage to tell them he was leaving, much less about Cream Puff. I had to sit with it, and now it was my fault because they did not take it well. HELLO?
Before they left I told the children – "I love you so very much – tuck that away in your hearts, take it out and look at it when things get very bad." (Yes – said Arno – and throw away the key! Sweet boy – he meant so that the thought could never be lost) .
The Prof took the kids to the top of the university and looked at the city’s lights.
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