The Magic of Mirrors

One of my expectations of marriage had been to be “cherished”.

I even announced this to the Prof on occasion, to which his answer was always: you don’t want to be cherished. If you did – you would try to please me. You would grow your hair, wear makeup, wear sexy clothes (I go about in rag cloth and ashes normally)… and many more things I can’t even remember – thank goodness.

So – being cherished was not unconditional? To my way of thinking you cherish people just because they are precious. They don’t need to jump through hoops to achieve that status. Being cherished has nothing to do with what is going on, on the outside of a person – it is their heart you value.

The Prof could see no value in this. To him, it was a tool with which to manipulate me in order to get me to do what he wanted. If I had chased those goal posts – would they have moved with time? Would he have found another set of standards I could not meet? Can I hear you say – OF COURSE? O what a nice reading audience you are!

One of the precious things I have learnt from God, is that He places many mirrors in our lives. He does this through people, who reflect to us, some of what He thinks of us.

In my life, I turned around and saw one mirror reflecting resoundingly negative images of myself – back to me. When I looked further, I saw so many others – reflecting a different picture completely. I saw there, the cherished-ness I sought from a man , who could not give it. In Nan’s eyes I saw the joy, when I came for a visit, in a friend, the tears or heartache as she held me close, in my parent’s eyes I saw a pride at how I was keeping it together, and in my children’s eyes – the love that said – I don’t care the length of your hair.

So… could it be, that the Prof’s mirror in which I had looked so deeply, and for so long – could it be that his was a cracked mirror?
David Riddell (well known counselor , speaker, author – more about this amazing man in blogs to come) says: when we look in a cracked mirror (a broken person), and do not realize they are cracked, then we take that crack into ourselves.

That one thought is so profound – it requires a bit of thought.

So – I had internalized a lot of “stuff”, because I did not realize at first, all the ways in which this mirror had cracked.

Have you thought about what the mirrors in your life are saying to you? Are you looking in the right mirror? Find out where your “mirrors” are looking to get their ideas. Are they trustworthy, good people? You have a choice about which mirrors to believe. I chose to believe the many people who loved me, above the one single cracked one.

I want to end where I ended the previous post: Remember the Prof had said I had not been a good wife? He once put it that I had been "stuffing it up for 16 years"! This had me running to a mirror I trust, a “mirror” who cherishes me: My darling (present day) husband. His words to me : You have been a wonderful wife, and I am having the best time of my life now….

I choose to believe this mirror. I know where he gets his ideas, I know his value system.
Thank you darling, I am having the best time of my life too....