History is a good indicator of the future

Picking up the thread of the story - we were last at the point where the Prof went house hunting. I had been to see the bank to stop him using the existing bond to do so. Well, the Prof bought the house, and not with our finances.

I remember asking the counselor – at what point do I sue for divorce?

Her words to me were: you have moral, legal and biblical grounds to sue for divorce. How would I feel about it? Would I let him come back if he should change his mind? If so, I had to tell him that. I had a brief debate with myself. I did not want to be the one to start the divorce proceedings, but in the bigger scheme of things – did it matter who did the actual filing? The marriage was over.

But… I would give it my last best shot.

I can’t remember why, but on that particular day he was waiting outside for me to finish up. I decided to tackle the problem there and then, in the waiting room of the counselor. No time like the present!

"I want you to decide what you are going to do", I told him. " I am going to seek legal advice, to protect myself and the children, and if need be, to sue for divorce. "

He looked extremely shocked. He had never thought I would take it further. A part of me wonders if he would have left everything as is? In that way – he could walk back whenever he wanted to?

I said further, " I think we can walk the path of healing, counseling, and we can fix this mess. Give it a try? If you don’t, at some point the regrets will come, be it 5 or 10 or maybe even 20 years. "

"However, if you decide this is it, then so be it. I will walk the path of divorce with equal success – and be assured – it WILL be a success (even though the world views divorce as failure)."

After listening to my speech, he asked if he could have 2 days to think about it. (cheek!)

O boy – I was back in “no man’s land”. But I was living there without any blinkers on. I thought about the past 2 months, and realized, every time that the Prof was confronted with a new step, he would hesitate, take a step back, and then eventually choose the Cream Puff.

With that in mind, I made an appointment with a lawyer. I was taking control back of my life, and I felt empowered and proud of myself for doing so. It changed me from being a victim, to being someone who was dealing with the cards life had just dealt me.

The Prof proceeded to take 5 days instead of the 2 he had asked for. Then he came over and started:
"I can see that you still want to try BUT… "

At that point I held up my hand and said ENOUGH.

" I have listened to enough of your BUT stories, and I refuse to listen any more. I have already been to see the lawyers, get off my property. "

I had been right. The Prof’s history had become an excellent predictor of which way he would jump.