Secrets, Lies and Deception

The day after Marinda found out about Cream Puff, the Prof spoke to her about it. He told her his sad life story – how hard his parent’s divorce was on him etc.

A quick aside: By now you should know I am opinionated, so here is my view. For many years I pandered to this excuse in his life. I was “rescuing” him with the idea of – shame he grew up in difficult circumstances. BUT – there comes a point in one’s life where you are responsible for the choices you make. You choose your path and walk it, and then do so with responsibility. At 40 years of age, I reckon that time was long overdue for the Prof.

Now, he said, he had met someone who understood him like Muff and Jack understood me. How can you compare such a friendship with and affair - and then dare to use it as an excuse for such behaviour? (More excuses to avoid taking responsibility.) He also told her not to talk to me about it – to prevent our having a “misunderstanding” about it. (What's to misunderstand?)

What confusion for a 13 year old to try sort out. Even I was battling with it. You have a father who is not telling the truth, and telling you not to trust your mother either.

I thought about it for a while, and then told Marinda to speak to her counselor about the whole thing. I told her that she needn’t walk around with a head full of secrets, she needn't be part of the deception.

I also said that the reason he didn't want her to speak to me about it, was because he was afraid that I would take a moral stand against what he was doing. I told her – "but that IS what I am doing – I am taking a moral stand. What he is doing is so wrong. "

Oi – what awful lessons for children to learn. I however, was also learning that I could not protect my children from these lessons. The best that I could do was to give them good, solid advice. The best I could do... was give them the truth.