My sister asked me to write a “guest blog”. At first I dismissed it, but it has such a nice ring to it – like being the celebrity invited onto a talk show, and the more I thought about it, the more the idea started to grow on me until I knew exactly what it was that I would write about – sisters.
I have two daughters of twelve and ten and I would describe their relationship as a classic “hot/icy” one. Either it is working very well (the minority of the time) or it is very volatile (the rest of the time). The following conversation I had with them describes it well. My eldest daughter, Nicole, was working hard at having a generally good attitude (not so easy for an almost-teen, I think). She told me that she thought it was easier to have a good attitude at school than at home. Ashlyn, my youngest, then piped up that she thought it was easier to have a good attitude when there was no one around! That, I imagine, would include bossy older sisters…
Well, I have an older sister myself, and there were times when I was young where I would have fully agreed with Ashlyn. I can still recall my sister telling me, an impressionable 5 year old, that she had magic powers and that if I didn’t do everything she told me to, she would use them against me. I think I might have been her slave for a day or two before I realised that that was worse than anything she could do to me.
Not only did she manipulate me with fear, she also used physical strength, and one Sunday evening my parents were forced to drive me to the doctor after Yvonne tried out a judo throw on me that broke my collarbone. Oops, did I say Yvonne? Maybe we need an “alias”. How about “Black Belt”? (I fully realise that you, the committed blog-reader may never actually read this material since “BB” obviously has some editing powers over her own blog, but nevertheless, I think this needs to be brought out into the open).
For the record, I will admit that younger sisters aren’t angels either. One of the nastiest things I did to my sister was “steal” her prefect badge. “BB” had been chosen to be Head Girl and I was jealous and irritated because now she would have even more reason to lord it over me. So I did the unthinkable: I hid the badge. This caused much greater consternation in our household than I had anticipated – my sister cried while my parents moved beds and went down on their hands and knees in search of the missing badge. Maybe that would have been a good time to own up, but I did the only, cowardly, thing I could: I snuck the badge into my hand and ‘joined’ the search, eventually pretending to find it in a dark corner!
Well, somehow we made it through the teen years and into early adulthood with a fairly intact relationship. Yet even as adults, jealousy and competitiveness could rear its ugly head. When my sister took up guitar lessons about ten years ago I was childishly MAD! That was always the instrument that I had played and I thought she was trying to show me up.
Looking back on it all I realise that the relationships we have with our sisters are complex, sometimes even incredibly fragile. But what a beautiful bond it can grow into if we work on it. That is what I have now with my sister - a powerful, sustaining friendship that I never have to doubt and I know would carry me through the toughest times of my life. And that is what I pray Nicole and Ashlyn will find in each other.
Oh and Yvonne - I forgive you for the collarbone!
I have two daughters of twelve and ten and I would describe their relationship as a classic “hot/icy” one. Either it is working very well (the minority of the time) or it is very volatile (the rest of the time). The following conversation I had with them describes it well. My eldest daughter, Nicole, was working hard at having a generally good attitude (not so easy for an almost-teen, I think). She told me that she thought it was easier to have a good attitude at school than at home. Ashlyn, my youngest, then piped up that she thought it was easier to have a good attitude when there was no one around! That, I imagine, would include bossy older sisters…
Well, I have an older sister myself, and there were times when I was young where I would have fully agreed with Ashlyn. I can still recall my sister telling me, an impressionable 5 year old, that she had magic powers and that if I didn’t do everything she told me to, she would use them against me. I think I might have been her slave for a day or two before I realised that that was worse than anything she could do to me.
Not only did she manipulate me with fear, she also used physical strength, and one Sunday evening my parents were forced to drive me to the doctor after Yvonne tried out a judo throw on me that broke my collarbone. Oops, did I say Yvonne? Maybe we need an “alias”. How about “Black Belt”? (I fully realise that you, the committed blog-reader may never actually read this material since “BB” obviously has some editing powers over her own blog, but nevertheless, I think this needs to be brought out into the open).
For the record, I will admit that younger sisters aren’t angels either. One of the nastiest things I did to my sister was “steal” her prefect badge. “BB” had been chosen to be Head Girl and I was jealous and irritated because now she would have even more reason to lord it over me. So I did the unthinkable: I hid the badge. This caused much greater consternation in our household than I had anticipated – my sister cried while my parents moved beds and went down on their hands and knees in search of the missing badge. Maybe that would have been a good time to own up, but I did the only, cowardly, thing I could: I snuck the badge into my hand and ‘joined’ the search, eventually pretending to find it in a dark corner!
Well, somehow we made it through the teen years and into early adulthood with a fairly intact relationship. Yet even as adults, jealousy and competitiveness could rear its ugly head. When my sister took up guitar lessons about ten years ago I was childishly MAD! That was always the instrument that I had played and I thought she was trying to show me up.
Looking back on it all I realise that the relationships we have with our sisters are complex, sometimes even incredibly fragile. But what a beautiful bond it can grow into if we work on it. That is what I have now with my sister - a powerful, sustaining friendship that I never have to doubt and I know would carry me through the toughest times of my life. And that is what I pray Nicole and Ashlyn will find in each other.
Oh and Yvonne - I forgive you for the collarbone!
Joan, Yvonne has said already how she appreciated you during the times she needed you. It is great to have a sister!
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