The Prof's timing was spot on - straight out of The Script. Why do they choose such impossible times to break such news? I think the reason is that it makes you completely helpless, you have no one to confide in, no one to turn to for advice and help.
I don't think I slept much that night. The next day - Christmas day - was one of the darkest days I have ever experienced. I told myself - breathe, just get through this minute, then the next and the one thereafter.
Jack (a dear friend of mine), had told me not long before - sometimes we need to take life, one day at a time, sometimes we take it 1 hour at a time... I remembered his words, and I took it 1 minute at a time.
The whole family got together for that Christmas that year, his family, my family, even extended family. I was physically sick. I never knew stress could make you sick so quickly. Everyone assumed that I had gastro. I left them to think what they wanted. I was intent on keeping my horrific packet of news away from my loved ones, least I ruin every Christmas to come, for years from now.
Toward the end of that dreadful day, I accepted a glass of whiskey from my sister's father-in-law. I took some perverse pleasure in this - the Prof had tried for years to get me to like the stuff. I wasn't interested in "liking" it now, just thought it might dull some of this awful pain. I then told my sister what the Prof had told me the night before. Her face told a thousand stories - all of disbelieve - must have been what my face looked like, not 24 hours earlier.
At the end of this day, I was back to "talking" again. I was still trying to figure out this relationship thing. He told me that his relationship with her, was like mine with my darling friends, Muff and Jack. They understood and accept me - blah blah blah (These folk are like additional "parents" in my life.) I just couldn't help myself blurting out - well, I promise not to leave you for Muff and Jack. (How dare he compare such an innocent and wholesome friendship with his affair!)
Throughout this talking period, I stayed exceptionally calm. The Prof once said he wished I would become angry and chase him away. I think that that, is what he was aiming for - then he didn't have to make the decision to leave - I would have made it easy for him to leave.
I refused to give him such a gap, and I refused to believe this was the end....
I don't think I slept much that night. The next day - Christmas day - was one of the darkest days I have ever experienced. I told myself - breathe, just get through this minute, then the next and the one thereafter.
Jack (a dear friend of mine), had told me not long before - sometimes we need to take life, one day at a time, sometimes we take it 1 hour at a time... I remembered his words, and I took it 1 minute at a time.
The whole family got together for that Christmas that year, his family, my family, even extended family. I was physically sick. I never knew stress could make you sick so quickly. Everyone assumed that I had gastro. I left them to think what they wanted. I was intent on keeping my horrific packet of news away from my loved ones, least I ruin every Christmas to come, for years from now.
Toward the end of that dreadful day, I accepted a glass of whiskey from my sister's father-in-law. I took some perverse pleasure in this - the Prof had tried for years to get me to like the stuff. I wasn't interested in "liking" it now, just thought it might dull some of this awful pain. I then told my sister what the Prof had told me the night before. Her face told a thousand stories - all of disbelieve - must have been what my face looked like, not 24 hours earlier.
At the end of this day, I was back to "talking" again. I was still trying to figure out this relationship thing. He told me that his relationship with her, was like mine with my darling friends, Muff and Jack. They understood and accept me - blah blah blah (These folk are like additional "parents" in my life.) I just couldn't help myself blurting out - well, I promise not to leave you for Muff and Jack. (How dare he compare such an innocent and wholesome friendship with his affair!)
Throughout this talking period, I stayed exceptionally calm. The Prof once said he wished I would become angry and chase him away. I think that that, is what he was aiming for - then he didn't have to make the decision to leave - I would have made it easy for him to leave.
I refused to give him such a gap, and I refused to believe this was the end....
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