The Timing

The Prof's timing was spot on - straight out of The Script. Why do they choose such impossible times to break such news? I think the reason is that it makes you completely helpless, you have no one to confide in, no one to turn to for advice and help.

I don't think I slept much that night. The next day - Christmas day - was one of the darkest days I have ever experienced. I told myself - breathe, just get through this minute, then the next and the one thereafter.

Jack (a dear friend of mine), had told me not long before - sometimes we need to take life, one day at a time, sometimes we take it 1 hour at a time... I remembered his words, and I took it 1 minute at a time.

The whole family got together for that Christmas that year, his family, my family, even extended family. I was physically sick. I never knew stress could make you sick so quickly. Everyone assumed that I had gastro. I left them to think what they wanted. I was intent on keeping my horrific packet of news away from my loved ones, least I ruin every Christmas to come, for years from now.

Toward the end of that dreadful day, I accepted a glass of whiskey from my sister's father-in-law. I took some perverse pleasure in this - the Prof had tried for years to get me to like the stuff. I wasn't interested in "liking" it now, just thought it might dull some of this awful pain. I then told my sister what the Prof had told me the night before. Her face told a thousand stories - all of disbelieve - must have been what my face looked like, not 24 hours earlier.

At the end of this day, I was back to "talking" again. I was still trying to figure out this relationship thing. He told me that his relationship with her, was like mine with my darling friends, Muff and Jack. They understood and accept me - blah blah blah (These folk are like additional "parents" in my life.) I just couldn't help myself blurting out - well, I promise not to leave you for Muff and Jack. (How dare he compare such an innocent and wholesome friendship with his affair!)

Throughout this talking period, I stayed exceptionally calm. The Prof once said he wished I would become angry and chase him away. I think that that, is what he was aiming for - then he didn't have to make the decision to leave - I would have made it easy for him to leave.
I refused to give him such a gap, and I refused to believe this was the end....

The Problem gets a name

It is the 24th of December 2006.

I have spent a week talking (since the night trip to Bronkhorst Spruit). At this point I have missed some crucial clues. The fact that the Prof's cell phone had completely disappeared from sight, passed me by. He was looking after that phone better than he looked after the kids when they were babies!

Marinda (eldest daughter) had sent me a beautiful bible verse on my cell phone a few days before: Deut 31:8
It promises that the Lord goes before you and will not leave you. I read it over and over, looking at each word of that verse. Marinda, by the way, had no clue of what was happening. The children were oblivious to it all.

Although I was too brain dead to realise what was actually happening, I do believe I TALKED the problem out of the Professor. What I mean by that is - I talked him to death, and he gave up and told me the partial truth!

On the night of the 24th , he could no longer bear it and suddenly blurted out - I have met someone else, I don't love you anymore, she understands me like you never did....

No...............

At this point, words failed me (hey - I can hear you laughing, I can hear you say - rare occurrence for you Yvonne).

The devastation of that moment... is hard to describe.

Every dream and belief I had held dear, slipped away like sand through my fingers. The disbelieve, heartache ... even the -" I don't understand what is happening - please let me wake up from this awful dream"... feeling, is all part of it, but really tells only a slice of what goes through your mind in those moments.

It feels like, what I imagine it is, to find out you have cancer, after having suffered from an illness with no name or face. The news is devastating, but the problem gets a name - AFFAIR.

A word about the timing. I so wanted to give you some quotes from the book - The Script - the 100% absolutely predictable things men do when they cheat. But the wheels of copyright approval turn slowly apparently. The best I can do, is to give you a link to their website. You can download a free chapter and get the idea.
According to the script (written to show that men who cheat all follow the same recipe - and in my case - SO TRUE), I was in good company regarding the wretched timing. Henry Ford II, grandson of the the founder of Ford Motor Company, chose the evening before their daughter's glitzy "coming out" party, (a huge social event), to tell his wife of 23 years, that he was leaving.