Expectations, The hair thing and all that jazz

Remember the new job? Well, that was due to start in January. I seriously considered leaving the job, so that I could concentrate on my marriage. Luckily my parents said - YOU WILL TAKE THAT JOB.

I only realised in retrospect how God had blessed me with the retrenchment and the subsequent new job. This job had paid leave, medical aid and security. God had laid out the path before me, long before I knew I needed it. At the time, the retrenchment looked like such a bad thing, and now it was a path forward, to something better.

At last the counseling session arrived. All my hopes were pinned on that. But counseling is not an easy remedy for fixing up something so broken already.

A lot of heartache, unresolved issues and "Stuff" came out in the counseling. The Prof told the counselor that we were "incompatible" - probably in light of his new found compatibility with the Cream Puff - I suppose!!! I didn't know what I was hearing. Why was I still surprised. (I hadn't discovered that book - The Script - yet).

Here is an example of the STUFF.

The Prof likes long hair. Mine - was at best, medium length, and in the last few years, decidedly short. When I had cut my hair short the first time, he had told me he could not love me with short hair (and proceeded to prove his point!). I was not against long hair, but my personality and looks don't go together with long hair. The times I had tried to grow my hair, I ended up tying it up - something the Prof hated even more than short hair. The nature of my work with the children, housework etc, makes me very impatient of hair falling in my face all the time.

Only later would I realise that this constituted an act of defiance which flew in the face of his controlling manner. In just about everything, the Prof controlled me - but in this - I broke out - and it was one of the things he resented most fiercely of all. (Like I said before - not the type of stuff which causes a divorce). O - and remember the photo I now possessed of Cream Puff - well guess what - her hair was SHORT.

Then there were other unresolved issues. Things which I had forgotten about years before, were brought up. He did not want children, he did not agree to an English school, he did not choose the church , I didn't dress sexy for him, I refused to wear makeup and perfume etc etc. The list was endless and exhausting. I had not made him happy, and marriage had not given him what he had expected. Hey buddy - for me either - but build a bridge and get over it. (Don't cross that bridge to another woman though!)