Coffee Date (Without throwing cups)

When the children did arrive home, I didn’t know what hit me! They were so traumatized, that I didn’t know what to do. They collapsed on the floor crying. I would sit with one, trying to comfort them, and another one would be sitting round a corner crying.

I phoned my parents to come help, because I didn’t have enough arms to hold them, and enough ears to listen. In desperation, we also phoned the counselor to enlist her help. It took 3 hours to calm them down.

The counselor wanted to institute proceedings to stop the Prof from seeing the children unsupervised. I asked her for a space of time, to just let everything settle down, before taking any drastic steps. As it was, the Prof didn’t see them again for about a month – because the next time they had to go with him, they decided that they didn’t want to go.

In the mean time, I contacted the Prof and asked him to meet me for coffee.

I wonder if he thought I would throw cups of coffee at him? I sure was mad enough. I met him at Mugg and Bean. As he walked in, a tremendous calm came over me, and the Lord moved my heart to speak to him with kindness.

This I did, to the best of my ability. I am not sure that he heard much of what I had to say. I told him that I had always been the buffer between him and the children. Now that I was no longer there to protect them, I suggested he went to seek some professional help, to help him cope with this situation (of his own making – but I kept that thought to myself).

He was very quiet during this conversation. I told him that the counselor wanted to make the weekends with him supervised visitation, and that he would have to prove he could look after them responsibly. In my heart, looking back today, I think he sat through that speech as he would a punishment. He probably thought I was being “I know best for the children” – who can say?

Then, a surprising thing happened – or rather – it surprised me. I had long struggled with the concept of forgiveness in my heart. I heard Werner’s oft repeated words in my ears –"Yvonne, you need to forgive them". I had mulled it over and knew, in order to move on, I would need to forgive both the Prof and Cream Puff, but never until now had I felt I could say with honesty in my heart that I had done so.

Now, under these adverse circumstances I knew I could. I told the Prof – I have forgiven you… you and Cream Puff, for the things you have done. He sat with a stoney face, and didn't utter a word.

It has never looked like he wanted my forgiveness, or even that it made the slightest bit of difference to him. But to me, it made the world of difference. I was suddenly free. I also only realize in retrospect, that my relationship with Werner, only began AFTER I had offered my forgiveness speech. Only then did things move forward in my life.

And the children? They have had extensive counseling for this and similar incidents. I haven’t asked them in a long time how they feel about it – feels like scratching off old scabs. But the folks who know the children, all say the same thing: they are happy, well balanced children.
I think we can be proud to have made it through such rocky times, as well as the fact that we maintained the children's weekends with their father.

If I sometimes write with a hint of anger about the Prof , please remember that I am still in conflict with him till this day, and the forgiveness thing – seems to be an ongoing affair – forgive the pun.