Nosey Parkers

When Werner had moved into the flatlet - 3 houses from my house, he began coming around for coffee in the evenings. We would wait for the kids to go to bed before he came over.

Not intentionally trying to deceive them, we rather, wanted to give them some space to get used to the new “friendship”.

Drum roll music – Dum dum dum da: Now enter – THE NEIGHBOURs.

What a piece of work they turned out to be too.

My neighbours LOVE the Prof (notice the present tense!) Perhaps it was the fancy title they liked to bandy about – “ I live next door to a professor you know”.

Be that as it may – they were the only people (together with the Prof’s family), who took the Prof’s side. Mrs Neighbour one day kindly told me: “you know Yvonne – perhaps this is for the best – the marriage was killing him (the Prof), you know”. Hmmph – I think the marriage had been doing a good job of killing ME – what with the cluster headaches.

So, the neigbours were are very pro – Prof neighbours. Mr Neighbour is home during the day, and makes it his business to know the goings on both at my house as well as in the street in general.

That all seemed very cute when he came over to see if I was “ok” when workmen came to the house – but turned into a pain now that I was trying to start a new life.

Werner and I fell into the habit of drinking coffee in the computer room. At that stage – the computer room faced the street. It had the most beautiful view of the rose garden. We would sit there, switch off the light, and look at the garden.

We began to notice that the neighbours made it their business to figure out what was happening at my house. Mr Neighbour walked out of his property – all the way into the street, to the front of my gate, peered up the driveway, saw Werner’s car parked there, huffed his nose into the air, stamped his foot and did an Hitler like about-turn before flying back into his house to report to all and sundry that Werner was present.

Other times, Werner would suddenly say: I see someone at the fence. Then we would see Mrs Neighbour peering through the palisade fencing – and the light just caught the glint off her glass frames.

At that stage – Mrs Neighbour was giving Marinda a lift to school in the mornings, and the Prof was taking Arno and Marielle.

The neighbours antics all seemed hilariously funny , until one morning when Mr Neighbour felt it his duty to report to Marinda of the goings on, which he had seen.

“Do you know that THAT man visits your mother here EVERY night?”

So…did he EVER stop to think what he was about to do when he did that? Apparently not.

When I fetched Marinda from school she asked me – so does Werner visit here every night? For a heart beat – I was tempted to answer her and say “no”. But just as fast as I had thought it, I remembered our family policy: the truth always pays you back. I told her the truth. Well, she huffed, I don’t like it, but ok – just as long as you tell me. So – I would wake her up every morning with : Marinda – Werner came over for coffee last night.

Not that that was out in the open, the secrecy was gone, and Werner no longer needed to wait for kids to go to sleep. Thanks Mr Neighbour – you did us a huge favour!

The present day? Well, they are still there. The are so nosy that they have even figured out how my alarm system works. When the light is green - we are home, when the light is red, we are sleeping or gone. Just the other day, thinking we were not home, they scared me silly by phoning me on my cell phone and reporting that they had seen a man running up my driveway, into the back yard. In a panic I slammed the trelly door shut and phoned the alarm company to come help me find the "man in my yard".

Needless to say - no man was found, not even a trace of him. The neighbours concern did not extend to another phone call to make sure I was fine. So - WHAT was all that about? Kindly concern?

Wooden spoons

Werner has a very darling friend. Kobus is an integral part of the story. May I say thank you for all you have meant in Werner’s life, and how you supported him with your love and friendship during those hard months?


Kobus in his own, quiet way, is largely responsible for where we are today. He "stirred" big time. He actually told Werner to look me up – long before I had conceived the idea. He is the one who prodded him into answering my first email.

So, I became intrigued by such a friend – and decided I would love to meet him.

I had Thursday mornings off, so Werner and I arranged that I would meet him at the university – and we would have coffee with friend Kobus.

O boy – that visit was such fun on more than 1 level. I bought Kobus a wooden spoon and chocolate, and it was huge fun to meet him.

BUT – part of the fun was that I got a phone call shortly after that visit. You guessed it – from the Prof.

In an highly indignant voice I was told – I had better watch out for my reputation – I had been “seen” at the university with Werner.

O SCANDAL. That gossip mechanism which functions so very well there, had enough gumption to spy me out and announce to the whole world of a visit to Werner…That same mechanism …. had failed to report that which it should have reported many months before – when The Prof and Cream Puff began meeting.

No matter now – I am so thankful for the end result.

We actually – half jokingly set the wedding date on that visit to Kobus. Kobus said – September is the best month of the year to get married. Laughing , we agreed, promptly looked at the calendar and decided to marry on the 6th of Sept the following year – 2008!

"Ek Like jou Jelly Tots" (present)

Translation: I like you Jelly tots.

This is a break through of note on a personal level. Let me explain.

Eric - my little step son, turned 5 yesterday. He and I have a funny hot/cold relationship. It is all warm and fuzzy from my side, and all cold from his side.
On day 1 he viewed me with extreme sucpision, and althought I think he has revised his opinion somewhat, the territory has been hard won.

He is a funny little fellow. He loves people, isn't shy at all and takes to most folks like a duck to water. I think I was just too much in his space, too soon.

He now has a contradictory relationship with me. I will tell him : I love you Eric. He will nod his head in acknowledgement, and then I will hear him say the same to his dad a while later. On other weekends, I will say: I am so proud of you Eric. Not half an hour and he will be asking dad - Are you proud of me?
So, I know the stuff I say sinks in and gets churned around for processing.

Sometimes, sneaky me, has been able to get some kind of affection pronouncement out of him - when he is repeating what I say. A typical conversation will run like this while he is playing:

Eric: Ok- I am going now
Me: Ok, go safely
Eric: Go safely
Me: See you soon
Eric: See you soon
Me: I love you
Eric: I love you

HA! Snuck that one past him.

Then, when it is night, and dark, he suddenly turns into "my little boy". If he wakes up in the middle of the night, he comes running to our room, and crawls into bed with me. Then it is not dad he is looking for, and for just a short while he snuggles up and becomes sort of mine. Those moments get tucked away in my heart and treasured.

This past weekend was a wobbly one. Arno and Eric were bickering constantly. Eventually I had had had enough. I packed Arno off to his room, looked sternly at Eric and told him that I don't want to hear the word "Arno" coming out of his mouth for the rest of the day. I got a sulky nod.
Not one to hold any grudges, I invited him to come bake with me, which he duely did. I thought we were "cool". A while after the baking was done, Carissa came running into the kitchen.
"Aunty Yvonne, Eric says he doesn't love you, and he thinks you are not a nice kind of mommy for him". Hiding a smile, I looked at her and told her, well, that is ok, because I love them both very much, no matter what.
So, some "revenge" for the discipline!

Yesterday was the little man's 5th birthday. I went to fetch him from school so that he could spend the afternoon with us. He was so thrilled that I got a huge hug, as I picked him up. The effect did not extend to holding my hand when walking to the car! Ah well.... can't win em all.

He had a wonderful time. We went swimming at my parent's house, we ate cake and sang happy birthday to him. At the end of this wonderful day, Werner was driving them home when he opened his window to tell me: Ek like jou Jelly Tots.

It took a moment to realise what he was saying. In our house we often say: I love you lots and lots - like Jelly tots! So... the little scoundrel translated it for his own use: I like you Jelly Tots!

Well, I like it too. It is a victory!!!!

Would love to hear your comments and advice. Reconstructed families require LOADS of wisdom.

The colour of friendship (present)

Last week, the colour of my friendship with Lynette was black and white. Thinking about it, I guess she is pretty much a black and white friend too. Things are that way with her. They are wrong or they are right, it is in or it is out…


Last week, it was the black and white of paper & ink. Once again, she trumped the Garmin and I am seriously thinking of taking this up with the Garmin people. Not only do I now need to pay the price of a new Garmin to upgrade maps (oeps – another non programmer like lapse – didn’t update maps. Who knew THAT), but the latest Garmin maps don’t know where my brother-in-law works. Tsk Tsk tsk.

The whole thing began when my darling, trusted Toyota Corolla needed a service. No problem, thinks me. Book the service, take hubby to work – and start my day doing Tax man programming stuff.

The phone rings.
' Mam – we notice there are chips in your windscreen.''
(and I’m thinking – so how many people drive on our highways with road works and don’t sport a few of those).
'Can we fix them? '
Yes (how much can that cost).
A cool R270.

Some more Tax man stuff, phone rings.
'Mam, the coolant water bottle leaks.'
Hello – fix it.
' Um- no can do – it is a plastic bottle. '
Here’s me thinking – ok – plastic – that must be cheaper to fix than some chips in the wind screen right?

Buuurp – WRONG - please leave – you are the weakest link.
That costs “windscreen chips” x 10 plus some more = R3300.
Yes – that bottle costs R2200, and then another R1000 for labour. Now was I being diddled there?

The service cost R6000 and on the spot I decided, I am bailing out. The car had done her time, given me good service…. But I cannot personally fund Toyota’s recall program.

Brother-in-law sells cars. He is an awesome salesman, came all the way out from Pretoria to show us the Mazda 3, worked out finance, paid me an excellent value for the old car, and wala – the deal was struck. That was easier than even servicing the Toyota. Anyone need a new car – I got awesome service! Just say the word.

Now, if you are sharp – you will notice the mention of Pretoria? If you are sharper still, you will remember my previous run in with the place? I got LOST with Garmin in tow...

Well, I needed to fetch the new car in Pretoria last week. The Mazda dealership is in Equestria – and Garmin has NO CLUE….

Werner was not much help there either. He fatal mistake started with: It’s easy - you know where my parents stay……

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

We ALMOST got cross with each other –and that is something we NEVER do. We came so close!

Brother-in-law came to some compromise and gave Garmin an address she knew how to find. Full of confidence, and a big dash of sadness for my old trusty Toyota – I went to work on Thursday, to trade it in after work. Ummmm – anyone hear about the MASSIVE accident at the Atterbury bridge last week, the 2 trucks, the cars, the fire … and the CLOSED highway for 25 hours. Yup – that sure got me in the middle of a big pickle.

Lynette just smiled at me. I’ll get you there, she said giggling at my total directionlessness. She disappeared for a long time, behind her desk and computer, and churned out a 2 page missive of directions and love.

Speckled in-between the huge explanations, were written some notes like :
Don’t worry – carry on going (when she knew I would be going through some township stuff), and loads of info like – you go across a bridge, and past a this kind of tree and that kind of petrol station….2 pages worth of detailed instructions. She even appealed to the programmer in me with: if the highway looks clear – proceed to point A , or point C etc.

What would I have done without her? I eventually got to Equestria – but sort of not along the route described by “GarLete” ( my new name for Garmin and Lynette combined). But I got there. I picked up the new car and managed to find my way home.

So, I got to thinking about the colour of friendship – and I am so thankful for such a darling, clever friend, who spent a long time writing it all down in black and white for me.

Thank you!

The car? Well, awesome.
(But can I share a secret: it’s bestest feature? - it has no Prof associations what-so-ever) . The Toyota was bought by the Prof for me. So – standing that night looking at the brand new car in my garage, it suddenly symbolised huge achievement. I had move on, and did so on my own. A sense of being able to stand on my own 2 feet, being able to afford my own new car…says a lot about the long way I have come.

And my last update SARS didn’t loose any smoke this weekend! -The latest system is up and running. Yah!

More than just friendship

Werner and I were spending considerable time chatting on the phone at night. We had moved past the “gossip” aspect of our friendship – where we tried to fit pieces of the puzzle together… to a friendship that consisted of more interesting conversation.


He surprised and shocked me quite some, when he announced one day out of the blue – Actually Yvonne, I think this is more than friendship.

THIS freaked me out. Divorce Care says – it takes 5 years (not within 1 year). How does one deal with this? Sure, I would perhaps like to start over with someone one day…but this was way too soon. The kids were freaked by this friendship, how does one learn to trust again? He said I made him happy – but Divorce Care taught – you need to first be happy on your own BEFORE you can be happy with someone else.

All these ideas went through my head. I told him he had better come over so that we could chat.

I very nearly told him that night, that I thought it was a bad idea and that we should no longer see each other at all. But as we talked, a calm came over me. I really read him the riot act. Told him – you have to be a happy person on your own, this will have to go way slowly etc. I think I put up more boundaries than my property has surrounding it!

My eventual thought surrounding that evening was this:
I could live life in fear - Fear of being hurt again, fear of taking chances, fear of betrayal… or I could live life – even if it meant making some mistakes.

The bible says : I did not create you with a spirit of fear.

We live but once… do so bravely… do it without fear.

So – with all these thoughts in mind , I said – yes – I think this is more than friendship.

And there started our very unlikely romance. It was a "thought out thing", before a heart thing! Sounds strange to say so now, because now I am in it with all my heart... and his!

Smoke... makes things work (Present)

Well hi. Umm... I know - LOOOONG time no see.

How do I explain this? You know that man you pay your taxes to? They are indirectly my boss. I program for their website. So.... when they say jump - we ask - how high. Needless to say - we have been jumping very high. The good news, my work is going live on Friday. So, if you don't hear about me in the news, then I did an ok job. If I become a national news item - like eNatis ... then I probably won't be in this industry for very much longer afterwards. So... hold thumbs. For those of you owning company's, needing to submit PAYE, UIF and SDL - you are about to get a new, streamlined system.

So - that is where all the blog stories disappeared to, but hopefully life will calm down again.

I have another story to tell. Did you know that smoke makes stuff work? Have you noticed that once the smoke comes out of something i.e. -once the thing has sent it's smoke out with a POUF - then you've had it? There is no way to get the smoke back in... no way to get that thing working again. Hence my conclusion: Smoke is what makes things work.

Well, my washing machine did that last night...sent all it's smoke out in one gigantic explosion which tripped my power and gave MArielle and I the fright of our lives. We happened to be standing next to the washing machine - trying to coax it to spin. Guess it didn't think so much of our ideas and said - BANG - FORGET IT!

Although we put the switches back up on the circuit board - NOTHING came back on. Ummm - thought for a while that the washing machine had chased the smoke out of the wires too, but after about 10 minutes - everything came back on - miraculously.

Hey - wish I understood power so I could explain that one.

On the bright side of this? Well, second marriages come complete with second "households and appliances". I guess you could say that Werner arrived with a "dowry"! He has a much nicer and better washing machine - which has been waiting for the old one to send out smoke signals. So.... hopefully tonight - Werner will install that one, and then I won't care about the smoke which came out of the old one.

As long as this one keeps it's smoke inside for a bit...