Divorce can't make me cry....(present)

OR can it? Almost 3 years down the line, how can one still cry over the results? Well, guess you can.... Here is my story.

The children went to the Prof this weekend. They happened to go away with his mom for the weekend. So, that was a bit sad - I missed out on kids on Mother's day. I tried hard not to be upset by it, but he did the same thing last year. Now, the Prof is VERY Stuck on dates. When it is his birthday - he wants them, when it is their birthday - he wants them , hey - if he could get away with it - he would even want them on MY birthday too.

Turns out, that when it is mother's day - it has suddenly turned into a big "commercial thing that he doesn't care for". OH? Really? Easy not to care for it - when it isn't your day.

However, I try very hard not to get caught up in tugs of war over days. So I told the children I don't mind about the day - we will have the celebration on another one. I pretty much thought that was it.

They only arrived home late last night - at 7 pm. They were tired and emotional. Turns out the Prof has been doing some more emotional manipulation on them - in order to drive them to school in the mornings. Yes, we are STILL on that track. Grrrr....
He told them - they are very ugly with him, and that he is trying so hard to be a good father. They might not see what they are doing now, but ONE DAY - when they are old and he is gone, they will be sorry for how they treated him.....

YEAH right. So.... by the time they went to bed last night - the girls were in tears - for various different things, Arno was feeling sick, and they were all at the in-between undecided phase of: well... maybe we should give dad another chance.

So, I sat down and had myself a good cry. Only THEN did I really feel sorry for myself with the idea that : - this is the only bit I had of my children - and then it was filled with crying and nonsense. I had myself  30 minutes of a "pity party", promised to console myself with a blog entry (it somehow ALWAYS helps).... and guess what - it did. Because.... I just realised - that is what "mothering" is all about. It is so much more than the sunshine and laughter, so much more than the cute things they say when they are small.... it is also about picking them up, dusting them off and saying: You know what, I can't fix your world, but I can love you anyway.