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Sorry for the silence. What SARS calls FILING season - we know locally in our office as SILLY season. That means SARS wants a whole years worth of development done in 2 weeks, and quickly sent out before people start filing their tax returns. Well, THAT time has started - the pressure is on.

Back to the story....

The children had kept our wedding news as a huge secret. Maybe it wasn’t so much a secret as the fact that they didn’t bother to inform the Prof or Cream Puff, of our intentions of getting married. (Good for them!)


Imagine his shock, when he found out 6 weeks before the wedding date? I do wonder gleefully- (sorry) – what went through their minds?

Anyway – an email unexpectedly arrived in my in-box from the Prof:

…I believe you have gone over to a brave decision. The children tell me you are getting married to Werner? I will never do that again… nothing against Cream Puff – if you know what I mean?

I read that and thought…actually – no – I don’t know what he means. He was prepared to break up 2 marriages, cause untold hurt to 5 children … and for WHAT? For a half hearted living-in arrangement, with no security, no commitments? Sorry Prof – I don’t get it at all.

And hey…what does that say about being married to me? It says that it was the worst part of his life. So,  if that were so,  I should have been the one, not prepared to marry again.

I think I can be so thankful, that the Prof’s unfaithfulness, did not damage my views of marriage.

Thinking back – I think the Prof’s view of marriage was always broken, which lead to even more brokenness.  A bigger insight is this:  I think he lived a self-fulfilling prophesy concerning marriage!

Building photos

Front View - Before

Front View - After

Broken Windows - Before

Windows - After

Work in progress

Some general after photos

The building project

We are back with the story. Werner had asked me to marry in in April 2008 - and our wedding date had already been set - tongue in cheek - for the 6th of September that year. The children were delighted - what a blessing.

Keeping in mind that we would need extra space if we got married, we began looking at options for rooms and sleeping arrangements for all those children!

I had some outside buildings - in shocking condition. They were used as crude storage space, but the roof leaked and they smelled.

Werner, however, could see past the mess, and decided we could turn that into a computer room. That would free up one room in the house, which could be turned into a bedroom for the little ones.

So – in April we began building. I don’t think I have ever worked as hard in my life. One weekend, we had all the kids, and the next weekend – Werner would come over and build. We broke down walls, plastered walls, tore down ceiling, hacked out window putty, replaced 64 panes of cottage pain windows, put in a sliding door, pink aerolite , ended up redoing ceiling after I swore that I never wanted to see pick aerolite again! Finally – just weeks before the wedding – we painted and moved the computers in. Looking back at this beautiful room, it’s simplicity belies the amount of work it was to fix it up.

I will post a few before and after photos. It took us 7 months – and we did the majority of the work between the 2 of us. Only for laying of tiles on the floor – did we get someone in to help us.

After that room was finished – we changed the old computer room into a bedroom for the Carissa and Eric.

In the meantime, we decided to do a very simple wedding service, in my garden. How many people can say they got married in their garden?

Holiday Photos

The cat (present)

It was a kids weekend with us again. We had a pretty rough week, as my children were all out of balance. The issues of "who is driving them to school", is still high on the discussion agenda with the Prof. He finally told them, that they are not being fair, and they will understand what it is they have done to him, when they are older. (Does that sound like emotional manipulation to you too?)
Hello, what did they do to their father? I thought that shoe was on the other foot! However - this is just some trivia about the day to day trials of life.

We looked forward to the weekend, although we know - these weekends - are hard work.

Saturday morning - 6am:  Eric's little feet came pitter patter down the hall. You can hear him from the bottom of the long hallway already - because sound is echoed and magnified on those gorgeous wooden floors!  The feet start off fairly slowly - and then gain momentum and speed as his feet slap harder and harder against the floor.
Finally he is standing in front of me, and as much as I sigh and inward sigh for lost sleep, I take one look at that face, and open the bed covers. He hops in like a jack in the box man, and flings his little arms around my neck in thanks.

Briefly I wonder - can he not see the difference between me and Cream Puff in the half light of dawn, or is he a skilled manipulator that knows how much his approval will mean to me.... or perhaps - he really does like me. Dare I hope?

We start a discussion about the cat who also spends time in our bed. Since I am a morning person as well, I am the only chatting companion Eric can find at that time of the morning. We chat to and about the cat, until finally he asks me with a very serious little face: Aunty Yvonne, Where can you buy an AFRIKAANS cat.

Werner and I laughed so much that the whole household soon joined in and enjoyed the merriment of having a 5 year old , precious innocent,  who believes the cat understands his every word.

The world tilted to right, after that strange week, and we were set for enjoyment once more.

My socks ARE up! (Present)

Well, lots seems to be happening in the present. I promise to still finish the telling of my story with Werner, but need to find some writing time.

Yesterday, Arno brought his homework book to me. I had to sign a Demerit slip. Now, I pretty much think I am a cool mom - I take it in my stride - especially if HE brings them home. (I would probably drop down dead with heart failure if one of the girls brought me a slip like that!)

Anyway - my thought process is like this: Arno is doing much better at school this year, he is studying on his own, and really trying hard at the homework / keep room tidy/ study thing. So, I am very proud of him. It is hard to take the forgetfulness out of him. He "forgets" to make me sign his homework - but it was all done, he "forgets" a book at home that should have gone to school etc. He had a few other points there - mostly about work not caught up, and aside from sounding like a mommy making excuses - I really don't think the teachers considered all these things.

SO I ask these questions:

•  is he passing all his subjects - yes!
• Is he studying- yes.
• Is he a problem child in the class - No.
• Are there subjects screaming out that they need attention - no!

OK - so what is their problem and why are they wasting my time? These, you understand ,  are all my internal thought processes. I sigh and decide - I had better make an effort to support the teachers here.
ARNO, I say sternly, you have to pull up your socks.

Without a space of a second of a breath, he says:

They are up mom!

Looking down at his bare feet on the kitchen floor, I tried very, VERY hard not to laugh - but it got the better of me in the end.

Yes my boy - those are my thoughts about it too.

Divorce can't make me cry....(present)

OR can it? Almost 3 years down the line, how can one still cry over the results? Well, guess you can.... Here is my story.

The children went to the Prof this weekend. They happened to go away with his mom for the weekend. So, that was a bit sad - I missed out on kids on Mother's day. I tried hard not to be upset by it, but he did the same thing last year. Now, the Prof is VERY Stuck on dates. When it is his birthday - he wants them, when it is their birthday - he wants them , hey - if he could get away with it - he would even want them on MY birthday too.

Turns out, that when it is mother's day - it has suddenly turned into a big "commercial thing that he doesn't care for". OH? Really? Easy not to care for it - when it isn't your day.

However, I try very hard not to get caught up in tugs of war over days. So I told the children I don't mind about the day - we will have the celebration on another one. I pretty much thought that was it.

They only arrived home late last night - at 7 pm. They were tired and emotional. Turns out the Prof has been doing some more emotional manipulation on them - in order to drive them to school in the mornings. Yes, we are STILL on that track. Grrrr....
He told them - they are very ugly with him, and that he is trying so hard to be a good father. They might not see what they are doing now, but ONE DAY - when they are old and he is gone, they will be sorry for how they treated him.....

YEAH right. So.... by the time they went to bed last night - the girls were in tears - for various different things, Arno was feeling sick, and they were all at the in-between undecided phase of: well... maybe we should give dad another chance.

So, I sat down and had myself a good cry. Only THEN did I really feel sorry for myself with the idea that : - this is the only bit I had of my children - and then it was filled with crying and nonsense. I had myself  30 minutes of a "pity party", promised to console myself with a blog entry (it somehow ALWAYS helps).... and guess what - it did. Because.... I just realised - that is what "mothering" is all about. It is so much more than the sunshine and laughter, so much more than the cute things they say when they are small.... it is also about picking them up, dusting them off and saying: You know what, I can't fix your world, but I can love you anyway.